I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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