I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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