Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
