I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
