I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
