brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
