If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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