I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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