hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
