i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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