ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
