Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
