I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Randomize
