he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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