i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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