I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
