It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
