i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize