Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
