Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
