Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
