He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
