I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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