my being single is dangerous.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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