i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
