I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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