Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
