Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize