Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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