You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I party with great urgency now.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
