Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Randomize
