Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
