dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
