Is it because I queefed?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
