Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
