It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
