o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
