My friends, they love my intelligence
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
