so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
