1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
