FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
In America we eat man semen.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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