Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
