Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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