were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
