I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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