Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
