I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
