You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
