i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
