Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
