You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
