Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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