You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize