The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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