Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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