It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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