Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Two words: blizzard sex
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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