Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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