apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
