No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
