the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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