Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
