i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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