alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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