i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
