A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
