you didnt know i had herpes?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
