I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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