I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
